i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Randomize
