I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
