My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
