Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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