walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
