so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
