Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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