just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
