i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
