Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
