My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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