My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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