his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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