i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Farmville is her only friend.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize