Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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