Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
