I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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