i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
