How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i've created a new STD.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
