Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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