You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
