your room smells of hookers.
And success
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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