Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize