Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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