I want to walk on stilts...naked
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
