I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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