he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
