You can't motorboat a personality
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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