I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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