Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
We don't watch enough power rangers
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
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