Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
