My underwear smells like fireworks.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You're like the curious george of whores
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
