A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
