Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
