so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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