We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
