Yo dont text me then not text me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
