I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You need a sexual gate keeper
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
