Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
