Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Randomize
