the condom got lost in my hair
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
