and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
