I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
