I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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