She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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