The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
