i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
