I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
