just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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