you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
