He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
