how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
