Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
