Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Randomize
