I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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