When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
