life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize