He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
