I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
