good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
