You just made me feel so damn special
the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
